


essence; a story of late night writing and incense gone oh so wrong

by ange_du_serpent



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Fuck Or Die, I Don't Even Know, I mean, It is, Like, Other, Satan - Freeform, Unintelligible, but dont expect quality, but it sounds right, certified cringe, co-creators;, crackfic, essence, essence???, i dont even, i dont know, i dont know what that tag means, i had burnt a LOT of incense that day, it doesnt make any sense, its barely even good omens fanfiction, meaningless, seriously dont read this, this means nothing, we got carried away, we say their names a few times but i dont know if this counts, what is this, you can read it if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:13:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28622352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ange_du_serpent/pseuds/ange_du_serpent
Summary: a friend and i decided to try and write a fic by switching writers every sentence/section. it was... fine?? until we stopped trying? i don't know why im posting this, and i don't know why you're reading it. nor do i know what essence is. we wrote this at like midnight and created this account *specifically* to post this fic because neither of us wanted to be associated with it. so. enjoy whatever this is if you even can. we sure did <3333
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	essence; a story of late night writing and incense gone oh so wrong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ange_du_serpent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ange_du_serpent/gifts).



> me and me 4ever

Me, Me  
A.Z. Fell  
Fanfic Literature  
1/2/2021

SNEK AND LIL ROLL  
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
by me and me 4ever

The bookshop, on that particular day, smelled of cocoa and incense, and Crowley, though it was unusual, adored it, though he’d never say it out loud. And on that particular day, Aziraphale seemed to be looking RaThEr ScRuMpTiOuS, or more so than usual. That was something he said out loud quite often. Something’s different, Crowley thought. It was probably just HORMONES. Or, perhaps, the incense. “Crowley,” aziraphale said, startling the demon. “I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but you smell like incense.”

“Oh.” Crowley frowned, “thought that was you. Sure it’s not you?” The angel sniffed/fucked himself politely. “Not me, dear,” he cleared his throat somewhat awkwardly, “incense is sort of… demonic, anyways. Not quite my style.” “Incense?” Aziraphale looked taken aback. “Incense is dEmOniC?!” “Do you like my essence dear?” “Oh yes” “how does it SMELL DARLING?” “LIKE IMCEMSE MATE” “OH ME OL CHUM HOW DARING OF YOU” “OH. CROWLEY. YOU. WILY. OLD. SERPENT.” “ESSENCEEEEEEEEEE SMELL ITTTTTTTT” “IM SMELLING DARLING.” “KEEP SMELLING” “IM SMELLING” “IM CUMMING JUST LIKE AUDREY” “OH YOU SEXY BEAST” “KEEP SMELLING” the people in the bookshop have all started smelling each other and fucking each other politely.  
“Oh, dear,” Aziraphale said, “looks like the humans are following in our footsteps” “who caresssss angell” crowley hissed, muhc like a Wily Serpent, because thats what he is, a Snake, literally a Snake, he is a Snake so he hisses, comedy, “we can ssssssmell eachothers essssssencccce even better now that theyre all dissssssstracted” “they’re most definitely not distracted, dear” “STFU AND SMELL YOU PRISSY BITCH” the next day, a notice was put up on the door which had a picture of a wily old serpent with an x through it. It wasn’t that there weren’t any wily old serpents allowed; it was just that after sniffing Aziraphale’s essence for too long, Crowley had perished, and was now dead, hence the ‘X’ over his sign. There was soon a “D” over his sign as well wink wink nudge nudge throw off a cliff. However, regardless of what you might assume the D stood for, what it actually stood for was “dead serpents allowed,” considering that the only serpent who’d ever enter the bookshop was, in fact, dead. Get your mind out of the gutter. crowley eventually resurrected into an even wilier, older serpent and slithered back into aziraphale(‘s bookshop).

“Oh, dear!!” Aziraphale cried, “I only know one wily old serpent, but you’re certainly too wily and old to… to be…” he took a closer look at the extraordinarily wily, old serpent, Baby Blues Widening, “Crowley???” “Oh, I’ve changed it.” “What?” “I’m not Crowley anymore, it’s crowfeet.” “Oh. Well. That’s not very sexy,” he frowned, “but I suppose the added wiliness makes up for it. There are plenty of sexy things you can do with excess wiliness.” “oh yeh? Like wot? Tell me angel. TELL ME NOW. TELL ME YOU FUCKING BITCH. WHY WONT YOU TELL ME.” “Oh, well aren’t you sassy today!!” Aziraphale laughed awkwardly, “well. I think it requires a certain degree of wiliness to sniff my ESSENCE. Does it not?” “I HAVE ALL THE DEGREES IN SNIFFING ESSENCES. I WENT TO UNIVERSITY MY MAJOR WAS SNIFFING ESSENCES I HAVE ALL THE DEGREES. LEMME SMELL” “Oh, I see! An essence extraordinaire!!” Aziraphale Removed His Essence and handed it over to Crowley. “Sniff away, my dear boy, sniff away!!”*sniffsniff* crowfeet grimaces. “smells like incense.”  
“So it was me all along... “ Aziraphale, torn apart by the idea that it truly had been him who had smelled of incense, snatched his essence back from his wily old boyfriend and shoved it down his own throat, eating it and discorporating himself. Crowfeet gazed up at the foggy glow in which his incense-y smelling boyfriend had left. “eh,” he left.

Crowley, upon returning to his apartment, found that the cloud of fog had followed him there, hovering in his front doorway. “Aziraphale, leave me al-” he raised a brow, lowering his sunglasses, “wait, is that you, or is it just a cloud of incense smoke?” A soft and eerie voice whispered into his ear. It said, “you smell like essence” “Do you mean incense?” He chuckled, “no, wait. Makes sense that I’d smell like essence, I had Aziraphale’s essence all over me…” he paused, serpentine eyes widening. “Wait, but since Aziraphale’s essence smelled like incense, did you actually mean incense?? Or essence?” “This conversation is useless. Good bye, essence-smelling one.” “Wait!! I still can’t hear you cle-” before Crowley could finish his impassioned plea, the cloud of incense(essence??) smoke had disappeared with a quiet, wheezing fart sound. “Pwa!” “No…!” Crowley fell to his knees, inexplicably struck by a stream of water from a fire hydrant he was sure hadn’t been there a few seconds ago, “somebody killed my best friend… me… I’m somebody…” *cue somebody to love* Crowley stood, blinked once, and found himself suddenly in the embers and ash that remained of his now-dead boyfriend’s bookshop. He was… confused, but he decided to go with it, sauntering stoically out of the burnt shop and discarding his glasses. “Whose essence can i sniff now?”

The end.  
no OUI  
Sleep well uwu <3  
No US

**Author's Note:**

> me and me 4ever


End file.
